Bed of Lies
© 2002 Shelly
"Night," Hunter says, kissing my cheek and the turning off the lamp over the bed. He rolls onto his side and within moments he's softly snoring.

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

I sigh and stare at the cieling. What has my life become? A lie. I play the happy wife day in and day out. That couldn't be further from the truth.

Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry
Don't think that I could take another talk about it

If I have to pretend to be happily married for one more day I think I'll puke. It's not like we haven't tried. Lord knows we've tried talking about the problems in our marriage. Nothing seems to help. He says he's sorry that things haven't worked out the way we planned. If only sorry could fix this problem.

Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

I truly believed that I was in love with Hunter and that he loved me when we got married. I soon found out that he wasn't over Joanie and he went crawling back to her many times in the past when we had a fight. Then there was Trish. I knew about every time he went to both of them. I wish I could say that I was better at the fidelity thing, but I have needs too and when Hunter wasn't around to fulfill them...Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle were.

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

I sigh again and climb out of bed. Walking into the living room I see our wedding photo sitting on the mantle. Look at those happy fools believing that their vows actually meant something to them.

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave 'til it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we've made

I don't want to be the one to give up on this marriage, but.....I can't keep living a lie. Sometimes I wonder if he's just waiting for me to throw in the towel. Seems like I make more than my fair share of effort to keep things together.

I am all that I'll ever be
When you - lay your hands over me
But don't go weak on me now
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this

"Steph?" I hear Hunter's groggy voice and turn to see him standing in the doorway. "Come back to bed baby." He smiles that insanely seductive smile at me. He walks over and pulls me into his strong arms. For a moment I swear I see love in his eyes right before he kisses me.

"Hunter," I say pushing him away. "This isn't working anymore. I can't pretend anymore." He frowns and nods. He knows that we both need to end this before we start to hate each other.



Lyrics courtesy of the Matchbox Twenty song Bed Of Lies from the Mad Season album.
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