How Do I Deal
© 2002 Shelly
Every day I wake up to another day gone by
Nothing but the open road and the never ending why
Anything can happen
But nothin' ever does
I try to change
It's kinda strange
The same as it ever was
But look at us

I roll over in bed. Another day another why. Why am I working with my ex-boyfriend? Why am I not with him anymore? Why can't I just admit my feelings?

I can feel the tension between Shannon and I when we're working and especially when we go out after shows with our friends. I am trying desperately to admit that I was wrong to leave him, but...I guess I'm just stubborn. But I find myself falling for him more and more everyday

How do I deal with you
How do I deal with me
When I don't even know myself
Or what it is you want from me
How do I deal with us
How do I know what's real
When I don't even trust myself
Or what it is I feel
And how do I deal

I don't even know what to do about Shannon anymore. He says he wants to at least be friends, but I know him too well. He wants more. I just don't know what I want. Part of me wants to just run to him, but part of me wants to explore the single life. I'm so confused.

Every night, in the dark, I lie awake in bed
How am I supposed to dream
With all the static in my head
I turn in all directions and I pray for some relief
What can I do but feel the weight I'm underneath
And grit my teeth

Another sleepless night. I close my eyes and I can see Shannon's smiling face. I can hear his sweet words every time I roll over. I pray for the torture to end, but it never does.

How do I deal with you
How do I deal with me
When I don't even know myself
Or what it is you want from me
How do I deal with love
(Why do I)
Why do I have to choose
When everybody's tellin me
What the hell I have to do
And how do I deal with us
How do I know what's real
When I don't even trust myself
Or what it is I feel
Now how do I deal

"You look awful," Kameryn says to me as she walks into the women's locker room.

"Rough night," Leighanna asks. I nod and sigh.

"It's Shannon."

"Surprise, surprise," Amy says. "What's he done now?"

"Nothing," I reply. "That's the problem."

"I thought you guys just wanted to be friends," Kameryn says.

"I don't know what he wants anymore. I don't even know what I want," I say and bury my head in my hands.

"You need to talk to Shannon," Amy says sagely.

"You really do," Leighanna and Kameryn agree.

I sigh and get up to leave. "She's actually listening to us," Kameryn asks with a giggle as I leave the locker room and head down the hall. I stop outside Shannon's locker room and raise my hand to knock. I take a deep breath and knock.

He opens the door and smiles. "Can we talk?" He nods and steps aside for me to enter.

Lyrics courtesy of the Jennifer Love Hewitt song How Do I Deal from the I Still Know What You Did Last Summer soundtrack.
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